Success comes from accepting challenges

By Stephanie Overman, Senior writer for HRMagazine

To expand your influence and clout, seek the assignment you need and take risks, say three who did.

Professionals in human resource management, like their counterparts in other fields, face barriers to their success. But those who do break through to the executive level have found the right mix of challenging assignments.

The Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM), along with the Center for Creative Leadership and Vanderbilt University's Corporate Learning Institute, looked at the assignments and challenges that successful HR professionals need to advance in their careers.

"We found a lot of talented women and minorities were hitting the glass ceiling," says Vaughan Limbrick, SHRM director of education. Limbrick believes HR competencies and leadership skills can be taught, so these talented people can break through that glass ceiling.

"What separates people who are successful is a certain innate political savvy. Can we put a lasso around that? Yes," says Limbrick.

HR professionals generally have the necessary technical skills, but they often lack business skills and influencing skills, according to Limbrick. Those skills generally can't be learned from a book; research shows that 80 percent of them require on-the-job experience.

She cites a series of developmental challenges, adapted from the work of M.M. Lombardo and R.W. Eichinger of the Center of Creative Leadership, as being key to attaining the necessary business savvy. These challenges are ones that

· Include the possibility of either visible success or failure.

· Require an aggressive individual with take-charge leadership skills.

· Involve working with new people, a lot of people, or both.

· Create additional personal pressure such as pressure caused by difficult deadlines, high stakes, heavy travel or longer hours.

· Require influencing people, activities and factors over which the professional has no direct authority or control.

· Involve variety and include dealing with high levels of ambiguity and change such as being placed in charge of an unfamiliar area or juggling multiple problems.

· Will be closely watched by people whose opinions count such as the boss, upper management or outsiders.

· Require building a team, starting something from scratch, fixing a team or turning around a project in trouble.

· Have a major strategic component.

In the following profiles, three HR professionals tell how their willingness to tackle these development challenges has helped them move up the HR ladder.

Sharon Lambly

Sharon A. Lambly, vice president of human resources for Hershey Foods Corp. in Hershey, Pa., knows firsthand about taking risks, taking charge, and being flexible. In the course of her nearly 30-year career, she has learned to seek out a variety of assignments. These have prepared her as she moves to the top in HR management.

Lambly started out at IBM in 1964 as a systems engineer, then became one of a handful of women in the marketing department. A promotion, requiring her to move, gave her the chance to prove her flexibility. And the move was risky. Her new branch had the lowest performance in the region, but two years later "we were the first in the region to hit 100 percent of quota. There's no finer way of proving your credibility," she says.

Lambly changed direction again when she went to IBM corporate headquarters to take responsibility for directing management development.

"I was highly visible to the chairman," she says, especially after she completely redesigned management development during her two-year stint.

"In your career development, there is a point where you have to get out of your technical expertise and demonstrate you can translate strategic direction into action. Frequently people get trapped in narrow functional expertise," according to Lambly.

After her corporate experience, Lambly realized that her perspective was still too narrow. She decided to make another drastic change. Much of IBM's investment was in plants and labs, but Lambly had no plant experience. "I actually took a lower-level job as a personnel manager" to gain that experience.

"Most people who write books and give rules would say that was a very bad thing," she says, but "it was one of best things I ever did. I gained a tremendous understanding of the other side of business. I quickly brought to bear some of the expertise I had from the marketing side and my career took off. About every year I was promoted to greater responsibility."

Lambly took on responsibility for contract negotiation with the federal government and for business and technical planning. She then became director of the personnel division and later was vice president of management services, handling personnel, communications, government relations and administration.

"The theme is constantly getting different experiences, different knowledge skills, going back and forth from functional expertise in HR and business-line orientation," she says. Companies want an HR business partner who has had line responsibility, "not just a personnel technician."

IBM then promoted Lambly to corporate director with responsibility for worldwide HR management, her first international post, an area she sees as critically important in today's business environment.

"I had a desire to run human resources, but I could see I would not have the opportunity at IBM," Lambly says. So when she received a call from Hershey in 1988, she decided to move on to Hershey as vice president of human resources.

Lambly understands the importance of lifelong learning, of staying up-to-date in the industry, of combining classroom and on-the-job training.

Lambly's early experience working with teams taught her a lesson that has stayed with her throughout her career: "I learned at an early age that multiple brains are better than one, that the broader the perspective, probably the better the approach you'll have to the issue."

Lambly is convinced that Hershey selected her because of her rich combination of business and human resource experiences.

"They wanted a business partner; they wanted someone who could lead and take risks," Lambly says.

Ernest Moreno

Ernest P. Moreno believes the key to his success as an HR vice president is that he has empowered others to make decisions about everything from conducting fire drills to running training programs.

"You don't have to be the person doing it all; give people the authority and they'll do it 20 times better than you. Let people make their own mistakes and grow--delegate," says Moreno, who is now vice president of Ruiz Food Products in Dinuba, Calif., a company with 1,100 employees that specializes in packaging frozen Mexican food. He started seven years ago as human resource manager and has grown with the company.

During his tenure, Moreno has completed a highly visible assignment that has become a model for other companies.

When Moreno came up with his most ambitious plan, to teach basic English skills to Ruiz's predominantly Spanish-speaking workforce, he felt that "if I didn't succeed, I would be fired." No one ever suggested that, but he felt he had invested so much time and energy in such a high-profile project that he dared not fail. Today the education center has become such a success that representatives from other companies visit to see how the program is run.

Moreno met Ruiz's need for Spanish-speaking trainers when he developed a successful train-the-trainer program. He also developed a corporate philosophy program that he sees as primarily a training opportunity, "not only to be able to explain what the company wants but to teach self-responsibility. We want to be able to say, 'You can control your own destiny.'"

The question of minority professionals being able to control their own destinies concerns Moreno, a bilingual attorney who sees Hispanics often forced to prove their ability over and over again. To succeed, minorities often have to demand more challenging positions, he believes.

"You almost have to bully your way in, to prove you are somebody. Once you've done that and they see you have the skill, once they can visualize you in the job and start to appreciate you for what you are, then you can be humble again."

Moreno sees himself as a symbol at Ruiz Food Products that "you can be an executive and you don't have to sell out. I'm Mexican and I'm very proud to be a Mexican. Bring your experiences to the table, rather than try to absorb other peoples' experiences and make them yours. I have no idea what it's like to be raised middle class. I know what it's like to be raised by farm workers. Someone else can bring middle class to the table."

Without the traditional middle-class background, Moreno turned to a mentor to fill in the gaps in his education. His boss, Tom Colesberry, "saw a vision that he wanted for the company and he saw me filling that vision. But when I started out there wasn't a fit, so he led me through the business world."

Moreno says Colesberry taught him a lot, not about business itself, but about the social intricacies of that world--"This is how you act, this is what you do, this is how you fit in. If you don't have somebody like that to teach you, you fail. You need somebody to watch over you."

Brenda Schofield

Brenda Schofield, manager of affirmative-action planning for Kraft General Foods Inc. in Northfield, Ill., is an example of an aggressive leader who knows where she's going and how to make herself valuable enough to management to get there.

"Don't let detractors get in the way of your advancement," Schofield advises. "People get defined by their environment, especially women. We have to stand above our environment. You can only be a partner if you think of yourself as a partner.

"I have heard, 'Do you think you should do that or go there?' But you have to do what's important for you," says Schofield, who works near Chicago but whose home is in New York. "I have always had a high level of personal independence."

Women and minorities can stand above their environment by "showing a willingness to take on tasks, by finding creative ways to keep ourselves in a learning mode," she believes.

For example, in Schofield's case, "they recently added interaction with minority conferences; that was not originally part of my job. It's more work, more effort, but you make it happen."

Over the years she has developed essential expertise in equal employment and government compliance.

"I'm known as the resource. They know who to talk to when they need information or need to overcome barriers," she says. "People have to know that you can help them do things, whether they are in a line or staff position. You have to show you're willing to go that extra step, to take on additional responsibility."

Schofield sees her role as being management's conscience when it comes to affirmative-action issues.

"People do get a little bit of religion after they work with me in this area," she says.

Schofield made her move from merchandising to human resources in 1972.

"I was on the fast track and in order to move up, you had to have time in personnel. Then I was recruited by Johnson & Johnson and when they asked me which area I wanted to work in, I decided to stay in HR," she says. "I enjoy the challenges that people bring."

In 1981 Schofield moved to General Foods, which later was bought by Philip Morris. When Philip Morris and Kraft merged in 1989, she became manager of affirmative-action planning.

In human resources, Schofield finds that "it's the creative things you can do that make the job fun for you and productive for the company--things like mentoring and giving awareness programs."

She personally received the benefits of a mentor, who made sure she understood the rules of the company and practical detail.

"He knew I was going to be traveling alone, and he thought I should be independent enough get around," says the native New Yorker, who did not drive until her mentor urged her to learn.

"He liked my energy, my forthrightness, the way I cut to the bottom line. He knew I was willing to do creative things. I was not apprehensive about challenging anybody. I brought new and fun things to the organization," she says.

But he also knew the barriers that even the most determined women and minorities can face.

"He probably figured here was somebody out to make something of her career and he supported me."

Source: http://findarticles.com/

For your success and glory!

Read, Learn and Flourish!

Escape from Management Hell

By Robert D. Gilbreath

Here I am introducing another book on change management authored by Robert D.Gilbreath. ‘Escape from Management Hell’ is an interesting blend of Greek philosophy, revisionist history, questionable theology and enlightened management practice. As if that combination isn't enough to get your attention, wait until you see the cover--the jacket artwork may be worth the price of the book.

The author, Robert D. Gilbreath, is president of Change Management for Philip Crosby Associates. He has published two notable books on change and lists an impressive array of periodicals for which he has been a columnist. His journalistic background provides one of the book's strengths as the material is artfully written and moves smoothly from point to point. Escape is written in the style of a short novel. Gilbreath's motivation for this style is his opinion that most retained learning comes from stories rather than the more typical textbook methods.

The book revolves around a group of 12 executives who have enrolled in a weekend leadership conference held at an exclusive ski resort. Possibly an expression of the author's darkest fears, the seminar leader is seen as "out of touch" by the participants, who quickly abandon the classroom for other more enjoyable activities. The presenter, professionally embarrassed and personally incensed, turns out to be Satan. Just why the devil has taken the form of a consultant isn't made known, but implications are clear.

Old Lucifer decides to make the participants pay for their insubordination and detours their return flight with a layover in hell. Satan tells the 12 executives they can redeem themselves and return to live out their natural lives on earth if each provides him enduring lessons and if they can show they "understand their sins, repudiate their errors and reflect deep remorse." The final requirement is that they make their presentations in the form of "meaningful, entertaining, amusing tales." The logic is a little convoluted, but remembers, this is hell.

he stage is set and the 12 vignettes begin. The topics range from mysteries of lost Aztec civilizations, linked to over dependency on consensus leadership, through Greek mythology describing the worst scenarios of paralytic bureaucracy. A sampling:

ü Hammurabi, King of Babylon, 1792 B.C., is concerned with the broad differences in the customs of the people under his far-flung domain. Convinced that "consistency, quality assurance and uniformity of conduct" will make his empire stronger, he employs two counselors, Peters of the Bulky Sweater and Waters the Man. Using the technique of mimicking Babylon's best practices, he decrees centralized laws; but these do not fit local needs, predictably lead to disastrous results, and ultimately cause Hammurabi's demise.

ü Like many Roman emperors, Caligula enjoyed his days at the sports arena. However, at one downturn in the economy, the budget was cut and his commander of the imperial chariot works, Edsel, responded by brandishing his volume-based clout on suppliers. He whipsawed the wheelwrights, coopers and harness makers, which eventually resulted in their "replacing iron wheel rims with brass, painting hooves to resemble shodding, and making harnesses from skins of stray dogs and cats rather than leather." In the end, the best horsemen of the Roman legions were defeated by a team of freed slaves because these wily challengers drove chariots built through partnerships with preferred suppliers.

ü In a takeoff on the classic Tell-Tale Heart, we are reminded about the importance of ethical behavior. Pan Oceanic Enterprises (POE) is run by an unscrupulous raider/turnaround artist, Edgar Allen, who attempts to avoid media contact, which he describes as a bedeviling "eye." His weekend retreat turns to horror when an obsolete Telex machine in the basement of his cottage comes to life and hounds him with news releases of the misery his greed has caused.

ü Change management is handled in two back-to-back chapters. In the first, the critical nature of openness and flexibility in change is examined in a description of life along the Nile. A blind "seer" tries to save two cities from an impending flood. The city of Stabile, ruled by Tradish-on, can't bring itself to change from its comfortable routines. However, the city of Flux and its chief, Dynamik, are able to adapt and are saved.

ü The following chapter looks at change leadership from the point of view of Constantine, the Roman emperor who decreed that Christianity was the sole religion to be practiced in his lands. According to Gilbreath, the effort was not successful because the change master was too narrow in his thinking and too rigid in his approach.

Escape from Management Hell does not rank with Gilbreath's earlier works, particularly, ‘Forward Thinking’, which established him as a premier strategist in change management. As you've probably decided even from the brief sampling above, the format tends to get old and you begin to wish there had been only six executives on the plane. The humor of the puns quickly fades, the story lines grow predictable and the style repetitious. Gilbreath's treatment of religion may offend some readers.

Most troublesome is that the material lacks a consistent train of thought. The tales represent a hodgepodge of management practices with no central thread holding the stories together.

Even with these criticisms, the book is worth the few hours you'll invest.

For your success and glory!

Read, Learn and Flourish!

Sense of Humour and a Healthy Measure of Patience

It seems all good teachers have the same four characteristics, whether they teach kindergarteners or medical school students. Their teaching methods address different learning styles; they love to teach; they love to learn; and they have a commanding presence in the classroom. These four ingredients, along with a sense of humour and a healthy measure of patience – qualities recommended for any occupation – are what make certain teachers stand out among their peers.

ADDRESSING DIFFERENT LEARNING STYLES

Following the model set out in Kolb’s Learning Styles Inventory, teachers find that most students have a preference for learning a certain way:

ü Auditory learners get the most out of spoken material like lectures and music.

ü Visual learners get the most out of visual material like images, body language, and diagrams.

ü Kinaesthetic learners get the most out of exercises where they attempt to perform the behaviour they are learning.

ü Many people are considered to be “multi-model” learners, having more than one strong learning style preference.

The best teachers are aware of these learning styles, teach to these styles as a matter of everyday practice, and show a willingness to adapt their teaching methods on the fly to help a straggling student catch up. An elementary school student learning basic Mathematics provides a simple example of such an adaptation. A visual learner who doesn’t understand fractions expressed as 1/2, 1/3, et cetera, usually “gets it” when one-half or one-third of a circle is blacked out. A kinaesthetic learner may need to make a pie chart of their own and black the circle out with their own marker before they understand the concept. A good teacher will recognize when he or she needs to shift learning styles so as to include the entire class. When a few students lag behind, good teachers are willing to take a moment explain things in a different way to help keep the class together.

ENTHUSIASM FOR TEACHING

Good teachers love their jobs. If you ask a good teacher whether they would do it all over again given the choice, they always answer “Yes.” Good teachers love teaching so much that they often end up teaching as much outside the classroom as they do while they’re on the job. When a good teacher encounters someone who needs help, they are generous with their information and their experience.

Fortunately, opportunities abound for good teachers to practice their craft in all sorts of settings. Some of the best teachers around make valuable contributions to Internet message boards and blogs. Many teachers earn extra money by teaching summer school or working during the summer as mentors or online essay graders. These individuals could choose to do virtually anything during their breaks from the school year, but they love teaching so much, they do it year-round.

ENTHUSIASM FOR LEARNING

A teacher who doesn’t like to learn is quickly drained of information and energy. Fortunately, administrators recognize this, and they fill the school year with seminars and other opportunities for teachers to recharge their batteries. Many school districts also encourage learning among the faculty by offering higher salaries to teachers who earn advanced degrees, like Masters or Doctoral degrees. These districts offer tuition reimbursement incentives, so teachers can get an advanced degree with little cash outlay. Good teachers take advantage of these learning opportunities because they love to learn, and they recognize that soaking up information and rejuvenating their minds is good for themselves and for their students.

COMMANDING PRESENCE IN THE CLASSROOM

A good teacher must have a commanding presence in the classroom. Students of all ages learn better from authority figures that they respect, because they are not constantly second-guessing what the teacher says and does. Having complete control over the classroom also discourages discipline problems in younger students. Good teachers don’t derive authority from being older or bigger or louder than their students. Good teachers radiate authority because of their experience and subject matter expertise in the classroom. Students can sense when they are in the presence of a masterful teacher.

PATIENCE AND A SENSE OF HUMOR

It’s hard to imagine any occupation where patience and a good sense of humour would not make one better at what he or she does. Teaching is no different. Patience is a preferred trait for those who teach young students; a sense of humour is absolutely required for those who teach adults. A teacher who has these qualities, who uses a variety of teaching methods, who loves to teach and learn, and who takes charge of their classroom is a very good teacher indeed.

For your Success and Glory!

Read, Learn and Flourish!

A Rose for Your Pocket by Thich Nhat Hanh

Thay's appreciation of motherhood

The thought "mother" cannot be separated from that of "love". Love is sweet, tender, and delicious. Without love, a child cannot flower, an adult cannot mature. Without love, we weaken, wither.

The day my mother died, I made this entry in my journal: "the greatest misfortune of my life has come.” Even an old person, when he loses his mother, doesn't feel ready. He too has the impression that he is not yet ripe, that he is suddenly alone. He feels as abandoned and unhappy as a young orphan.

All songs and poems praising motherhood are beautiful, effortlessly beautiful. Even songwriters and poets without much talent seem to pour their hearts into these works, and when they are recited or sung, the performers also seem deeply moved, unless they have lost their mothers too early even to know what love for mother is. Writings extolling the virtues of motherhood have existed since the beginning of time throughout the world.

When I was a child I heard a simple poem about losing your mother, and it is still very important for me. If your mother is still alive, you may feel tenderness for her each time you read this, fearing this distant yet inevitable event.

That year, although I was still very young

my mother left me,

and I realised that I was an orphan,

everyone around me was crying,

I suffered in silence...

Allowing the tears to flows,

I felt my pain soften.

Evening enveloped

Mother's tomb,

the pagoda bell rang sweetly.

I realised that to lose your mother

is to lose the whole universe.

We swim in a world of tender love for many years, and, without even knowing it, we are quite happy there. Only after it is too late do we become aware of it.

People in the countryside do not understand the complicated language of city people. When people from the city say that mother is "a treasure of love", that is already too complex for them. Country people in Vietnam compare their mothers to the finest varieties of bananas or to honey, sweet rice, or sugar cane. They express their love in these simple and direct ways. For me, a mother is like a "ba hương" banana of the highest quality, like the best "ne^'p mo^.t" sweet rice, the most delicious "mi'a lau" sugar cane!

There are moments after a fever when you have a bitter, flat taste in your mouth, and nothing tastes good. Only when your mother comes and tucks you in, gently pulls the covers over your chin, puts her hand on your burning forehead (Is it really a hand, or is it the silk of heaven?), and gently whispers, "My poor darling!" do you feel restored, surrounded with the sweetness of maternal love. Her love is so fragrant, like a banana, like sweet rice, like sugar cane.

Father's work is enormous, as huge as a mountain. Mother's devotion is overflowing, like water from a mountain spring. Maternal love is our first taste of love, the origin of all feelings of love. Our mother is the teacher who first teaches us love, the most important subject in life. Without my mother I could never have known how to love. Thanks to her I can love my neighbours. Thanks to her I can love all living beings. Through her I acquired my first notions of understanding and compassion.

Mother is the foundation of all love, and many religious traditions recognise this and pay deep honour to a maternal figure, the Virgin Mary, the goddess Kwan Yin. Hardly an infant has opened her mouth to cry without her mother already running to the cradle. Mother is a gentle and sweet spirit who makes unhappiness and worries disappear. When the word "mother" is uttered, already we feel our hearts overflowing with love. From love, the distance to belief and action is very short.

In the West, we celebrate Mother's Day in May. I am from the countryside of Vietnam, and I had never heard of this tradition. One day, I was visiting the Ginza district of Tokyo with the monk Thien An, and we were met outside a bookstore by several Japanese students who were friends of his. One discretely asked him a question, and then took a white carnation from her bag and pinned it on my robe. I was surprised and a little embarrassed. I had no idea what this gesture meant, and I didn't dare ask. I tried to act natural, thinking this must be some local custom.

When they were finished talking (I don't speak Japanese), Thien An and I went into the bookstore, and he told me that today was what is called Mother's Day. In Japan, if your mother is still alive, you wear a red flower on your pocket or your lapel, proud that you still have your mother. If she is no longer alive, you wear a white flower. I looked at the white flower on my robe and suddenly I felt so unhappy.

I was as much an orphan as any other unhappy orphan; we could no longer proudly wear red flowers in our buttonholes. Those who wear white flowers suffer, and their thoughts cannot avoid returning to their mothers. They cannot forget that she is no longer there. Those who wear red flowers are so happy, knowing their mothers are still alive. They can try to please her before she is gone and it is too late. I find this a beautiful custom. I propose that we do the same thing in Vietnam and in the West as well.

Mother is a boundless source of love, an inexhaustible treasure. But unfortunately, we sometimes forget. A mother is the most beautiful gift life offers us. Those of you who still have your mother near, please don't wait for her death to say, "My God, I have lived beside my mother all these years without ever looking closely at her."

Just brief glances, a few words exchanged-asking for a little pocket money, or one thing or another. You cuddle up to her to get warm, you sulk, you get angry with her. You only complicate her life, causing her to worry, undermining her health, making her go to sleep late and get up early. Many mothers die young because of their children. Throughout her life we expect her to cook, wash, and clean up after us, while we think only about our grades and our careers. Our mothers no longer have time to look deeply at us, and we are too busy to look closely at her. Only when she is no longer there do we realise that we have never been conscious of having a mother.

This evening, when you return from school or work or, if you live far away, the next time you visit your mother, you may wish to go into her room and, with a calm and silent smile, sit down beside her. Without saying anything, make her stop working. Then, look at her for a long time, look at her deeply. Do this in order to see her, to realise that she is there, she is alive, beside you. Take her hand and ask her one short question to capture her attention, "Mother, do you know something?" She will be a little surprised and will probably smile when she asks you, "What, dear?" Keep looking into her eyes, smiling serenely, and say, "Do you know that I love you?" Ask this question without waiting for an answer. Even if you are thirty or forty years old, or older, ask her as the child of your mother. Your mother and you will be happy, conscious of living in eternal love. Then tomorrow, when she leaves you, you will have no regrets.

In Vietnam, on the holiday of Ullambana, we listen to stories and legends about the bodhisattva Maudgalyayana, and about filial love, the work of the father, the devotion of the mother, and the duty of the child. Everyone prays for the longevity of his or her parents, or if they are dead, for their rebirth in the heavenly Pure Land. We believe that a child without filial devotion is just artificial. But filial devotion also arises from love itself. Without love, filial devotion is just artificial. When love is present, that is enough, and there is no need to talk of obligation. To love your mother is enough. It is not a duty, it is completely natural, like drinking when you are thirsty. Every child must have a mother and it is totally natural to love her. The mother loves her child, and the child loves his mother. The child needs his mother, and the mother needs her child. If the mother doesn't need her child, nor the child his mother, then this is not a mother, and this is not a child. It is a misuse of the words "mother" and "child".

When I was young, one of my teachers asked me, "What do you have to do when you love your mother?" I told him, "I must obey her, help her, take care of her when she is old, and pray for her, keeping the ancestral altar when she has disappeared forever behind the mountain." Now I know that the word "What" in his question was superfluous. If you love your mother, you don't have to do anything. You love her; that is enough. To love your mother is not a question of morality or virtue.

Please do not think I have written this to give a lesson in morality. Loving your mother is a question of profit. A mother is like a spring of pure water, like the very finest sugar cane or honey, the best quality sweet rice. If you do not know how to profit from this, it is unfortunate for you. I simply want to bring this to your attention, to help you avoid one day complaining that there is nothing left in life for you. If a gift such as the presence of your own mother doesn't satisfy you, even if you are president of a large corporation or king of the universe, you probably will not be satisfied. I know that the Creator is not happy, for the Creator arises spontaneously and does not have the good fortune to have a mother.

I would like to tell a story. Please don't think that I am thoughtless. It could have been that my sister didn't marry, and I didn't become a monk. In any case, we both left our mother -- one to lead a new life beside the man she loved, and the other to follow an ideal of life that he adored. The night my sister married, my mother worried about a thousand and one things, and didn't even seem sad. But when we sat down at the table for some light refreshments, while waiting for our in-laws to come for my sister, I saw that my mother hadn't eaten a bite. She said, "For eighteen years she has eaten with us and today is her last meal here before going to another family's home to take her meals." My sister cried, her head bowing barely above her plate, and she said, "Mama, I won't get married." But she married nonetheless. As for me, I left my mother to become a monk. To congratulate those who are firmly resolved to leave their families to become monks, one says that they are following the way of understanding, but I am not proud of it. I love my mother, but I also have an ideal, and to serve it I had to leave her -- so much the worse for me.

In life, it is often necessary to make difficult choices. We cannot catch two fish at the same time: one in each hand. It is difficult, because if we accept growing up, we must accept suffering. I don't regret leaving my mother to become a monk, but I am sorry I had to make such a choice. I didn't have the chance to profit fully from this precious treasure. Each night I pray for my mother, but it is no longer possible for me to savour the excellent "ba hu+o+ng" banana, the best quality "ne^'p mo^.t" sweet rice, and the delicious "mi'a lau" sugar cane. Please don't think that I am suggesting that you not follow your career and remain home at your mother's side.

I have already said I do not want to give advice or lessons in morality. I only want to remind you that a mother is like a banana, like good rice, like honey, like sugar. She is tenderness; she is love; so you, my brothers and sisters, please do not forget her. Forgetting creates an immense loss, and I hope you do not, either through ignorance or through lack of attention, have to endure such a loss. I gladly put a red flower, a rose, on your lapel so that you will be happy. That is all.

If I were to have any advice, it would be this: Tonight, when you return from school or work, or the next time you visit your mother, go into her room calmly, silently, with a smile, and sit down beside her. Without saying anything, make her stop working, and look at her for a long time. Look at her well, in order to see her well, in order to realize she is there, alive, sitting beside you. Then take her hand and ask her this short question, “Mother, do you know something?” She will be a little surprised, and will ask you, smiling, “What, dear?” Continuing to look into her eyes with a serene smile, tell her, "Do you know that I love you?" Ask her this question without waiting for an answer. Even if you are thirty, forty years old, or older, ask her simply, because you are the child of your mother. Your mother and you will both be happy, conscious of living in eternal love. And tomorrow when she leaves you, you will not have any regrets.

This is the refrain I give you to sing today. Brothers and sisters please chant it; please sing it, so that you won't live in indifference or forgetfulness. This red rose, I have already placed it on your lapel. Please be happy.

Thich Nhat Hanh (1962)

Source: http://deerparkmonastery.org/teachings/a-rose-for-your-pocket

For your success and glory!

Read, Learn and Flourish!