by Dr. Lee Jampolsky
Have you ever
noticed that two people can confront the same circumstances with very different
reactions? This is a matter of attitude and nothing else. Freedom is being able
to say, "Rich or poor, alone or with a mate, physically healthy or not,
employed or laid off, I believe that peace of mind is possible."
We have all
experienced what it is like to be having a perfectly fine day and have a
situation or crisis arise that sends us into a tailspin. It may be something
small like a traffic jam making us late, or something more severe like the loss
of a job. Our response can seem automatic.
Though at first it
may be difficult to accept, freedom depends on recognizing that you're not
upset because of what occurred, you are upset because of how you perceive the
situation. Key to Attitudinal Healing is recognizing that you are not a victim
of the world.
Another way of
saying this is: There is absolutely nothing in the world that has the power to
ruin your day. If you are upset, it is because you have directed your mind to
be so. Initially these truths can be hard to accept because you have become so
accustomed to giving your power away. Every time you blame another person for
your unhappiness you are giving your power away. Stop blaming and start
healing.
How you perceive a situation will
determine your experience and your reaction. Let's imagine that you have a
favorite coffeehouse that you frequent. The staff knows your name and always
has a warm and friendly greeting as you walk through the door. An extremely grumpy
woman whom you have never seen before serves you this particular morning. She
appears preoccupied rather than caring about you or what she is doing. As she
pours your hot coffee a good portion spills in your lap. Despite your jumping
in shock, no apology follows. Your experience is anger: both toward the
waitress and the owner, Joe, for hiring such an incompetent person. Then, a
friend of yours at the next booth says, "Isn't it great that Joe hired
her!"
"Great! Are you out of your mind?
She just spilled hot coffee in my lap and walked away," you reply with
your best indignant voice.
"Oh, you didn't hear the
story?" your friend whispers.
"What story?" you angrily
reply, still drying off your new slacks, wondering how you will go through the
day looking as though you wet your pants.
"Yeah, Joe didn't know her from
Adam. He read in the paper that her husband had died last month in a car
accident. Apparently her husband's health insurance stopped, and she was
looking for another job in order to pay for her sixteen-year-old son's
chemotherapy for leukemia," your friend responds.
Now, you still have hot coffee in your
crotch, but are you still angry? Unlikely. The only thing that shifted was your
perception and attitude. Through discovering a reason to be compassionate, your
entire experience changed—and there are always reasons to be compassionate.
An important part of
healing (i.e., letting go of fear) is developing compassion. Instead of going
out in the world and finding plenty of reasons to be upset, go out and discover
reasons to extend love. There are thousands of reasons waiting for you right
now. A helpful thought to remember is that a miracle is nothing more than
allowing an old grievance to become a current compassion.
If you ever run short on reasons to be
compassionate, remember there is always one good reason: It makes you feel
better than anything else you could do.
When you
are upset remind yourself
the cause
of your discomfort is your own attitude.
This is
freedom.
Read, Learn and Flourish!
Grow, Glow and be Great!
